Archive for the Uncategorized Category

Art Klondikes Semi-Daily Youtube Video

Posted in Uncategorized on May 6, 2010 by Art Klondike
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The Red are the best baseball team ever.

Posted in Uncategorized on April 20, 2010 by Dirt Linwood

I swear to god that watching the Cincinnati Reds play baseball is the equivalent of watching an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

Its not to bad at first but you know by the end something stupid will happen which makes it suck totally too many dicks.

(Note the the reader – I’m writing this as I’m watching the second half of the Cincinnati Reds first game in the home-stand against the Dodgers, so there’s a good chance I’ll probably just end up punching through my screen before I finish.)

We’ve won a total of five games this season, which I mean I guess could be worse. What’s so sweet about it though is that all five of our wins came in the final at bat. Basically we’re about as close to being 0-13 as we can get. We still haven’t had a pitcher register a win, so for those who aren’t big statisticians like me the combined win total of our starting pitchers is ZERO.

I’ve yet to be able to watch a game and just enjoy a good win. All five wins happened when we basically lucked into a few hits or managed to not completely blow the lead. Tonight, for example, we were up 9-3 in the 7th inning. I’m for sure we’re finally going to get that solid win but I made one drastic mistake by taking that course of though – We have Nick Masset as a set up man. Masset may be the worst pitcher in the history of baseball. He has no move to first base (see game 1 of the Pittsburgh series), he constantly is hanging balls over the plate to get crushed (see James Loney in tonights game), and overall the dude just looks like a bag of shit.

At this point in my life I’m a one Paul Janish away from just calling this season a wash.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT JANISH

Two seconds after I wrote the above statement, Janish hits a looping 2 RBI single which turns into a double because his mind-blowing talent wooed the Dodgers into making a mistake.

STOP STRIKING OUT STUBBS. Good god. The man is blind, I’m almost 100% sure.

Masset sucks, Janish rules, the Village was a stupid movie and M. Night Shymalan is a weird fucking dude.

Go reds.

Perfectly normal humans.

Posted in Uncategorized on April 3, 2010 by Art Klondike

Chris Carpenter can suck it.

Posted in Uncategorized on April 2, 2010 by Dirt Linwood

Opening day is less than a week away and Scrap Iron, The RHN, and myself are making the trip down to Great American Ballpark to catch the Reds face off against the Cards.

If things go as planned, we’ll slug about 3 dingers and B-Phil will hit for the cycle while Ryan Hannigan hits an infield single.

Right?

….

God damnit, last year Johan Santana and this year Chris Carpenter?

For two years Carpenter didn’t even pitch because his arm fell off his body¬†and he still comes back as a 17 game winner. What the hell, Carpenter.

Luckly, the Reds have Harangatang on the mound. Should be a pitching duel right?

2009 – Chris Carpenter Vs. Aaron Harang

Carpenter: 17-4, 2.24 ERA, 144 SO, 3 CG, 2nd in Cy Young voting

Harang: 6-14, 4.21 ERA, 142 SO, 2 CG, Doesn’t know who Cy Young is

I’m no sabermetrician, but to me it looks like ¬†Carpenter has the edge here, sorry Harang.

“Shucks”

I mean, at least its baseball season.

Lets go reds.

-Dirt

Stop What You Are Doing Right Now

Posted in Uncategorized on March 13, 2010 by Scrap Iron

Everyone stop what you’re doing. Put everything down and make this your number one priority.

Folliow popular Greg Odens Donger Scrap Iron on twitter https://twitter.com/ISNTTHATRIGHT

Do it!

Follow Scrap Iron on twitter!!

Follow Scrap Iron on twitter!!

FOLLOW SCRAP IRON ON TWITTER!

Or suck it!!!

Or don’t, man, I don’t care. Just follow that tweet sheet

Pitchers and Catchers Report

Posted in Uncategorized on February 23, 2010 by Dirt Linwood

Baseball season has officially started back up. The Reds pitchers and catchers reported to their home in Goodyear, AZ. So to celebrate here is this incredibly inspiring YouTube video:

cool.

The Greatona 500

Posted in Uncategorized on February 11, 2010 by Dirt Linwood

Break out the busch light, cut-off jeans, and you’re finest tank ladies and gentleman because the greatest sporting even of the year is here. There’s not enough Winston cigarettes in the great U.S. of A to appropriately express how excited I am for this Sunday*.

Quick side-bar: Has there ever been a better weekend combo between last weekend and this coming one? I mean, the Superbowl and then Daytona 500? Be sure to give your thanks to the sports gods during your next grace.

I’ll be the first to admit that I know close to nothing about nascar other than the following things:

  • Drive fast, Turn Left
  • If ya ain’t bumpin, ya ain’t racing

Don’t let my lack of actual “racing knowledge” take away from my love of this day. I feel that if one person truly fits the mold of a true nascar fan, it’s me. Let’s go through the checklist:

  1. Wears tank tops to fancy events [X]
  2. Smokes cheap cigs [X]
  3. Owns multiple pairs of jean shorts [X]
  4. Drinks Busch Light regularly [X]

I’m really not sure if more credentials are needed, but trust me, I’ve got them.

This Sunday in Daytona represents more than just sporting in America. It represents freedom. It represents America. And it represents everything we’re fighting for everyday.

“I fucking love freedom. The freedom to race!”

The 500 is a chance to sit around with your buds, crack some cold ones, and shoot the shit. If that isn’t heaven on earth, then hell, I don’t want to go to heaven. With the 500 comes the ability to sit back, and for atleast 500 god damn miles, realize you don’t actually give a finger in the middle about all that other humdrum shit you going on. That’s freedom.

If what I have said hasn’t alreayd inspired you to tune in this sunday you’re either A.) Un-American or B.) Illiterate and you can’t actually read what any of this says. I assume those two options sum up my entire argument, but if you’re a fucking weirdo and you’re not included yet, here is a couple of suggestions that may get your blood flowing a bit.

Watch Days of Thunder.

It’s like Top Gun, but on land!

I can only assume, no, I just plain guarentee that watchin’ Cole Trickle rub paint on the track will make you realize how awesome the 500 will be this weekend. And if it doesn’t, well we can still all get a hearty laugh over the fact his brother was named Dick. Dick Trickle.

“Dick Trickles the name, Racin’s the game”

You have to literally have no sense of humor to not laugh at that name.

So maybe you’ve already seen DoT and you’re still lacking some motivation. Apparently you don’t remember Dale “The Intimidator” Earnhardts last race. Dude let Waltrip win DIED IN AN ATTEMPT TO HELP A FRIEND WIN. To be real truthful I had actually no idea NASCAR had teams and all that shit or if Waltrip was even on his “team” but shits still pretty cool. Not to mention his son was following right behind, so this comes down to family now.

“Barry Pepper is a helluva actor!”

I get that racing isn’t for everyone. What I don’t get is racing. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love the hell out of the Daytona 500. This year I can without a single doubt promise you that if you watch this event you will walk away with atleast something to talk about.What else are you going to chat about around the water cooler? Football is over. Pitchers and Catchers don’t report until the 18th. The winter olympics suck and only 1 out of every 200 people actually care about hockey. Basketball happens all week and you can’t blow that water cooler load on monday. Nobody wants to be the dude who only can talk NBA.

Hell man, I don’t know. Maybe a cool wreck will happen. Maybe Tony Stewart will keep being a douche. Maybe you’ll see some hot trashy boobs in the grandstands.

To end this, I’m going to post funny pictures of fans at NASCAR races. That way you can watch in an ironic fashion or something. C-Ya.

* I’m not sure this sentence makes sense.