Author Archive

MY GUY VINCE

Posted in Bad Ass Dudes, Videos on February 15, 2010 by Tuesday McGavin

Tuesday can roll with the youtube too.

P.S. You’ll love his nuts.

If that doesn’t make your monday better you’re probably a d-bag.

Advertisements

Carrots vs. Cheese

Posted in Food, Random on February 9, 2010 by Tuesday McGavin

I work at a bar. This doesn’t have much to do with my story other than to serve as a starting point. If you were wondering what type of story I was about to unfold, I would classify it as a tragedy.

Cheeseburgers aren’t that great for you. I’m fairly certain that this is a well known fact. For this reason I brought  with me (to work), a small zip lock baggy of baby carrots, a piece of plastic-wrapped cheese, and an orange (pronounced or-anj, or arnj depending on where you’re from and/or your level of intelligence).

Well, I got to work today, and quickly devoured my orange. “What a delicious orange,” I’m pretty sure I remember thinking, and oh how good I felt after my colorful snack: It had been some time since I’d eaten anything even remotely healthy for me.

FIVE HOURS LATER

I’m sitting in my car, getting ready to drive my 45 minutes back home. Yes I drive 45 minutes to work at a bar; please don’t start with me right now, I have to explain this to people every day. NO I DON’T MIND THE DRIVE, REALLY, IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL.

I put on my seat belt and get comfortable. There’s some nice classic rock on the radio, possibly The Who. I notice my lunch sack sitting in the passenger seat beside me. “Hello there” I say as I take a peek inside…

Blergh.

Contents:

1 x delicious small packaged cheese log

25 x goddamn baby carrots.

Shit.

Now,  I don’t know about you, but I’m not a real big fan of eating carrots. Especially after having a couple drinks. Don’t get me wrong though; I’m not driving drunk. I’ve only been drinking. There’s a difference. I grab the piece of cheese, whimpering softly as a a peel a layer of plastic off the side; revealing the moist, sensuous dairy product beneath. This is the point where I start to feel guilty. If I eat the cheese right off the bat, there’s no way I’ll eat the carrots afterward. I’ll be mildly satiated by that tasty hunk of colby goodness, and leave the carrots to stew (ha! get it?)  in their baggie ’til god knows when I clean this crap out.

So I come up with a compromise. “Eat the carrots,” I tell myself, “and you can eat the cheese afterwards.” Oh what a great idea. I sit the cheese on my passenger seat, and attend to my baggie of carrots.

It’s slow going as I expected, but with every carrot comes the thought of that tasty sharp rectangular piece of cheese, glistening with it’s.. cheese dew, or whatever you call it. You know what I’m talking about. When you leave a piece of cheese out and gets that, like, condensation on it? You’ve seen that, right? I promise it happens.

Well, you can imagine my joy when I finally finish every last carrot. I feel so good with myself, that now being the healthiest thing I’ve eaten this year. Now I can indulge with minimal guilt!

Only, the cheese.. it was.. it was right here.. I.. but.. oh, shit.

It’s on the floor.

The cheese is on the fucking floor.

I’ve attached to this document a graph showing the state of my cheese after being on the floor.

FUCK.

I guess what I’m trying to say with this blog is:  You never know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.

Or something like that?

Basically: I should’ve just eaten the cheese.

I hate my life.