The Red are the best baseball team ever.

I swear to god that watching the Cincinnati Reds play baseball is the equivalent of watching an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

Its not to bad at first but you know by the end something stupid will happen which makes it suck totally too many dicks.

(Note the the reader – I’m writing this as I’m watching the second half of the Cincinnati Reds first game in the home-stand against the Dodgers, so there’s a good chance I’ll probably just end up punching through my screen before I finish.)

We’ve won a total of five games this season, which I mean I guess could be worse. What’s so sweet about it though is that all five of our wins came in the final at bat. Basically we’re about as close to being 0-13 as we can get. We still haven’t had a pitcher register a win, so for those who aren’t big statisticians like me the combined win total of our starting pitchers is ZERO.

I’ve yet to be able to watch a game and just enjoy a good win. All five wins happened when we basically lucked into a few hits or managed to not completely blow the lead. Tonight, for example, we were up 9-3 in the 7th inning. I’m for sure we’re finally going to get that solid win but I made one drastic mistake by taking that course of though – We have Nick Masset as a set up man. Masset may be the worst pitcher in the history of baseball. He has no move to first base (see game 1 of the Pittsburgh series), he constantly is hanging balls over the plate to get crushed (see James Loney in tonights game), and overall the dude just looks like a bag of shit.

At this point in my life I’m a one Paul Janish away from just calling this season a wash.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT JANISH

Two seconds after I wrote the above statement, Janish hits a looping 2 RBI single which turns into a double because his mind-blowing talent wooed the Dodgers into making a mistake.

STOP STRIKING OUT STUBBS. Good god. The man is blind, I’m almost 100% sure.

Masset sucks, Janish rules, the Village was a stupid movie and M. Night Shymalan is a weird fucking dude.

Go reds.

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2 Responses to “The Red are the best baseball team ever.”

  1. what’s your opinion on scott rolen coming to the plate to this song? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44xirQ55IgA

    i think it should be this one:

  2. prepare yourself for the most emotional song you’ve ever heard.

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